Sometimes I wonder if what I feel is real.
I hear that our decisions aren’t ours
but those of the people who raised us
and not even them
the people that raised them
and back and back and back
and I just want to know why I am the way I am
Why do I feel so good when I feel so bad
Why do I want to live in the moments that hurt me the most
Why do I smile when I cry
I never feel more like myself
Then when I am laying on the floor
Choking on tears and screaming
Letting myself completely go
Is that fucked up?